i wanna thank everyone for opening up to me and sharing ur souls...i got many kind and sincere comments and it meant a lot to me. so thanks. but to the other half that didnt really read it and just skimmed through it...needed a lot more explaining...some of u seemed to think im depressed, sad and lonely....but the truth is that i give ppl a gift and they dont even realize it..... here is most of the whole story.
some of this story may sound a bit "cocky" but its just facts..
i was what u called an intuitive child, when ever i saw things, it just made sense to me. now, im not a genius by any means and def not book smart as i was waisting my time drawing in class (and getting dumber and dumber)...but it didnt mean i didnt understand things...often times i didnt need things explained to me...i can look at them and figure it out...im sure there are many of u that know what im talking about...artist tend to observe and absorb. that is why u can draw..same thing with me...i saw all of my dads comics lying around and i picked one up one day and started to draw it...i just saw the lines and it all made sense to me...it was very natural for me... my shy nature as a child really helped in learning ppls behavior and mannerisms. which was very crucial to my art. as i have to draw ppl in everyday activities all the time. i was shy until i was 15 yrs old and discovered women and football...being on the team kinda forced me to be around a lot of confident ppl...like cheerleaders and the star quarterback...the right ppl helped crack my shell a lil and it felt great to be part of the environments i observed for so long... one day i was chillin with the defensive line and two good friends almost got into a fight and over some joke, one pulled on the other...and were never friends after that i know how stupid this sounds but i saw it a lot in this type of personality..no TRUE ground of friendship ...this didnt help matters and i chose to not trust these types of ppl. but i discovered a world i've never been exposed to and liked getting to know the more "outgoing" personality. by the end of the yr i was popular myself and loved what was called "flirting"..i dont have an older brother so i had to figure this whole "chemistry" out for myself... turns out i was pretty good at it but didnt really know what i was doing...tech...this was another world i have discovered and i liked seeing something new... i found that women were so much easier to talk to than guys...especially in high school...this is when i became who i am now (in general).... i found out that when u give a person a chance to finally "let it all out" u get a slew of stories and experiences u never thought them of doing...i was immediately attracted to this new form of art, the human mind...the most complex thing next to love. so as i got closer and closer to more ppl, i realized that they all came to me to open up..i was always one on one with who ever i was talking to and learned that that's why it was so easy for them to open up...."comfort and trust" made a huge diff in the truth...as i got better and better at figuring the human out, i realized that i was attentive enough that i can tell when ppl are lying and when they were not...and because imma visual person i remember everything they say cause i picture it in my head. and ppl loved someone who seems to really listen...i was so busy running around trying to get to know as many diff personalities that all of a sudden BAM...it hits me, im 23 and have a broken heart myself and i needed someone to open up to....and i tried all of my close friends and even family, i tested them out...cause it was really personal stuff...and i wasnt about to just let anybody in...and i was very disapointed to say the least..these were my childhood friends and none of them even CAUGHT that i started telling a story and HALF way through...i stopped...now being a good listener i know when someone is paying attention..and NONE of them were...this didnt bother me cause i had already discovered how selfish ppl can be. i even knew in advance to test them to see if they would fail...it was a personal problem and didnt trust anyone anyways....(this will sound cocky) i new deep down inside that i wasnt really seeking advise cause i knew that with my experience there was NO way anybody could tell me something i didnt already know... i really just needed to let it all out...just like everybody else..most ppl go around like zombies following orders...like go buy the newest Kanye West CD...or hate paris hilton cause everybody else does....nobody seemed to be like me and want to think for themselves(the majority)....and i not only had my experiences, i had those of others that trusted me with them. given my intuitive nature, i could figure out most anything anyway....unfortunately that day cemented to me that ppl are indeed, selfish...it didnt get me depressed as it wouldve to most ppl, again i already new...it taught me to be stronger...
the confusing part. im not lonely and depressed. i have a wonderful family whom we ate dinner together everynight till i moved out. "good" friends i love and cherish that i still have today since i was 15 yrs old. i've been called everything from the life of the party to "u are my best friend", by all of them at least once...i have a small but loyal fan base and a dream job...i am outgoing and not shy...i've been treated to dinner by ppl i've never met cause they like my art...and im honored everytime...so i have NO prob in uncomfortable situations...quite the opposite, i get to meet someone new...
this is where my gift comes in....at a very young age i realized that i was providing some thing for a lot of ppl....this will sound cocky, but again, its just a fact...in having the love and desire to understand human nature so much i learned a few valuable things...such as, what trust means to ppl...and comfort and MOST IMPORTANT is being open minded and understanding...something i figured out that every person needs...its almost serendipidous that i like to listen and ppl like to talk... i understand the need to talk to someone who really listens and gets it, so i decided very young, to sacrifice (for lack of a better word) myself and be there for anybody who needs it...it was a nice feeling, i was giving ppl a gift, true, profound, and intent listening....and i saw what it brought to ppl's lives....it was nice to see the burden literally lifting from thier lives....and i thought, its an even trade...i dont really need advise anyway...but it would be nice to have someone that "gets" me and to express one self to...but its not that important to me...
now i've tested this theory with all types...someone might say, well yeah they talk a lot cause they are full of themselves...not true...old, fat, ugly, dorky, confident...all ends of the spectrum...ALL of them have something to say, and a lot of it....and its fasinating to see life through their eyes..EDIT:there are a lot of ppl that think they are good listeners and dont realize that they are often times dominated by the stronger personality...im not a big fan of small talk and gossip...the even MORE selfish person...say, comes home or calls up a friend to rant about how much they hate their boss...or how some idiot cut them off on the road...these are the conversations that dont mean much to me...but i listen anyway to try and discover daily personality traits...like exaggeration or greediness ...i want to know ppl's desires, ppl's dreams ppl's fantasies...fears and missed opportunities... to dig deeper, giving them the opportinity to almost letting a person discover themselves...in a way i dont give myself a turn to speak, because there is so much ground to cover...and the amount of questions i ask doesnt really give them a chance to breath either...but its nice to see how happy they can be sharing their dreams... cant tell u how much i've learned from so many ppl cause they liked something i've never tried b4...and my greatest tool is having an open mind to MAKE sure i understand something completely b4 i even come close to rendering an opinion..like why someone is attracted to the same sex, or why someone would use drugs...all things i would've NEVER known had i not had an open mind.. i wouldve never had the chance to let someone open up and let me walk through the halls of their life...
on a bad day anyone can turn the tables...i've done it too...ppl are selfish and only wait for their turn to speak....its the blunt way to put it without sugar coating it...plus anytime i've tried talking its normally too deep and lets face it...its a downer..so its not group appropriate. so, to be clear, sucks that ppl can be this way, but i dont really mind, its a passion of mine and has been for a very long time, and i continue to enjoy it and look forward to delving deeper into the unknown... everybody wins
hope everybody had a wonderful holiday, and take as many pictures as u can....cause our memory is like photo left in the sunlight (ah..sunshine)for too long...it fades....
well this i guess is my gift
pls be patient in waiting for me to respond, i try to reply to each of u that have something decent to say...its just that i suck at typing and im quite busy. thanks
i love thongs...GO ASS!!
Listening to: if every day was just like xmas by the King
Reading: all my replys and post...so many long ones
Watching: friends on DVD
Playing: with myself